i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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