you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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