in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
