I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
