Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
