Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
