He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
