I just threw up on my dentist
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
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Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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