I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
