grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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