I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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