direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
