god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
just tell him i said nine months
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
