I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
