If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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