Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
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