Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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