Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
