PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
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Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize