we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
