Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
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She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
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do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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