I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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