I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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