There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Randomize
