and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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