Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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