So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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