I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
