Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
