listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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