Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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