anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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