So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
