Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
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Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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