cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
