I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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