There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Randomize
