i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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