I'm really into asian looking animals
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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