are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
