Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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