i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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