I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
