Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize