i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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