Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
it was like eating out sand paper
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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