How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
