also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
