billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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