I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
