I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
