where does the pee come out of this thing
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
