Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
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I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
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You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?