i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
19 Teachers Share the Funniest Items Brought to “Show and Tell”
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.