I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
These 23 People Had Sex With Someone From Completely Different Cultures
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
The beers last night were like the tears from god
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
25 Medical Facts That Need To Be Common Knowledge
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum