I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
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You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
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You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.