You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?