then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst