Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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