Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
jump out the window naked night went bad
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
