Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
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U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
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She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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