Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
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